Imagine this: Looking up at
the starry night sky, cuddling up to those you love, and feeling the crispness
of the cool summer night hug your skin. Hearing the crackling of a fire, the
soothing sounds of crickets, and the absence of ring tones and texts. Nothing
to do but relax, enjoy nature, and escape.
This is the vision I had when
I agreed to go on my first camping trip as an adult. After all, I do work very
hard; I deserve an escape. Also, I
like stars and cuddles. Camping will be fun, they said, you’ll love it, they said. So camping I went!
My family should be the
spokespeople for campers everywhere. They should go around the country on a
propaganda campaign spreading the vision of a magical wilderness wonderland
that only camping can offer. They are without a doubt the politicians of the
camping world. They’d say anything to get another set of work hands tagging
along!
Camping:
First thing you must do is
pack everything you own. I mean everything from furniture to cutting boards.
And if you plan on eating something other than nuts and berries you’d better
bring plenty of food…. Before you leave for your “vacation” you must first plan
all of the meals you’d like to eat for the next week. That means 3 meals/day
plus snacks and drinks, and don’t forget to include everything you need to
store, prepare, cook, clean and serve the food. Feeling relaxed yet??
“What do I wear?” That’s a
simple question with a complex answer. I was told to pack for everything. So I
brought everything. I had bikinis and sarongs, along with winter coats and
scarves. I looked like an ad for a trip around the world. The temperature
difference from day to night was uncanny. It went from both extremes, hot or
freezing; nothing in between. I remember seeing my mother in law walking around
at one point in a bathing suit and Uggs. Glad to know I wasn’t the only one
confused by the weather.
So you arrive at your
destination, now you must unload, unpack, organize, and begin a fun filled day
of work. I couldn't help but think, "Why do I work so hard all year to spend my vacation living like a homeless gypsy?" And that's when I discovered the lake. In between the work we were able to walk down to a private cove and spend the afternoons sunning ourselves on a beach. That was the highlight of the trip. The water was
warm and welcoming and the views were breathtaking. My daughter was stripped
down to her birthday suit and splashed around all day. Her chubby white baby
butt prancing around was a sight that fed my soul. The world could use more
chubby baby butts if you ask me.
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After the sunny bliss came to
an end, we would all go back to the campsite for cocktails and dinner. That
means more cooking and cleaning. Then, you must hide all evidence of food
before turning in because guess what. BEARS! Yes, BEARS live in the woods! They
know what coolers and PIC-IN-IC baskets look like (isn’t that right Boo Boo?)
And, they may just maul your face off. Goodnight!
Did I mention that I brought
my baby? She’s an above average sleeper I’d say. We were sure she would sleep
just fine in this strange RV with 4 other people. No problem Bob! That was
until 3 am every night she awoke in an inconsolable manner screaming in a pitch
that could shatter glass echoing throughout the campsite. No doubt waking up
all other unfortunate campers…and bears. Every parent knows this feeling.
Helpless, tired, embarrassed, frustrated and defeated. Thoughts of exercising
the demon that has taken over my sweet child crossed my mind. Every night I
dreaded going to sleep and every morning I felt obliged to go around to the
nearby campsites and offer apologies for interrupting their peaceful slumber
under the stars.
There’s a hefty price tag
that comes with camping as well. You have to pay for the site, rent the RV, gas
it up, and buy the groceries. I figured with all of the work involved someone
should be paying me! Going camping means that you are essentially paying to
work. And, as a bonus when you finally make it home, you get to scrub the RV inside and out before returning it or you will pay with bloodshed. It's in the contract.
All in all, I was dirty, hairy, smelly, hot, cold, constipated, eaten alive by bugs, and worked like a dog… but it was fun, I admit it. Not relaxing at all, but fun indeed. I enjoyed being with the family without TV or interruptions. Kent, Mike, Sami, Gramma Bea, GiGi, Eric, Sean and Colette each made me laugh in more ways than one. Even if it was at my own expense! I may just go again next year! And we will work out my salary demands beforehand…
