The honeymoon period. That time in your marriage that fills
you with love, lust, hope, passion, dreams, butterflies, and joy. Nothing could
bring you down, you are happy, and it’s going to stay that way. ‘I’ve met my
match’, you think to yourself, ‘my soul mate’, my ‘best friend’, the one. Then why is it that so many couples who start out
this way end up divorced sometime down the road? What happened to that kissy
faced, snuggle bunny feeling that once was so strong that you could barely keep
your clothes on? Let’s think about that.
Newly married couples tend to do certain things that create
change, but also settle the union of your lives together. Such things like,
join bank accounts and manage finances, buy a home, run a household, start a
family, and oh yes…share a bathroom. All of these activities are milestones in
relationships, and they could bring you to a deeper part of intimacy. However,
they are by no means romantic. In fact they cause change, which brings stress,
and stress creates tension, tension can stir up anger, and with anger you have
resentment and blame. Who do you turn your blame to? Well of course it’s that
person who caused you to shake up your happy life in the first place, that
‘best friend’, that ‘soulmate’ your… ‘one’.
“I’m not happy anymore”
“You’re not the same person you used to be”
“We’ve grown apart”
Boom. Just like that it’s time to trade in that mistake of a
marriage for the next love cycle that comes along.
Studies show that the butterfly feeling, or, the honeymoon
period, lasts for about 18months tops. Then
you find yourself faced with this person who has differing opinions, different
habits, and different interests. You know, any person that’s not you. (How dare they think carrots should be steamed and
not broiled! Ugh we have nothing in common!)
The true test of a marriage is when you can partner up with
this person you’ve committed to and take on the worlds problems together. And
by the worlds problems I mean when you accidentally dent his car, or when he
shrinks your favorite jeans. How will you as a couple deal with the ordinary
and extraordinary stressors that life will undoubtedly throw your way?
This leads me to my mothers’ advice to me when I got
married. She is a wise woman, who was married to my dad for 26 years until
death parted them. She considers her marriage a passion filled adventure with
many years of fights, love, breakups, make-ups, laughs, tears, tragedies, and
victories. They were not perfect, but they stuck by one another through every
high, and every pitfall. How did they do it? Well here it is. She simply stated
“Once we were sick of looking at each other face to face, we stood solidly side
by side.” Huh? Ma, what the heck does that mean?
Turns out she had some sound advice. The “face to face” term
refers to the fleeting honeymoon period, and the “side by side” term represents
the lasting partnership that they were committed to.
Marriage takes effort on both ends to maintain and flourish.
Life is filled with opportunities to grow and succeed which requires both
parties to stand up next to each other with full support. Of course the face to
face part should find it’s way in from time to time, but that’s not what holds
the union strong. Love has many facets and doesn’t always come with a big red
bow, but when it’s really there, it doesn’t die.
Thanks for the advice mommy!
